


Night of the living Bat

by Tijuanagenius



Category: Agents of Mayhem (Video Game), Vampirella (Comics)
Genre: Other, Stranded, Vampires, banquet, gat making a cool entrance, horror parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:12:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tijuanagenius/pseuds/Tijuanagenius
Summary: Mayhem was supposed to be expecting an inspector from Ultor. Little did they know that they would be in for a night of terror and fright. Can the agents survive going up against one of the earliest bad girls ever known.





	Night of the living Bat

**Author's Note:**

> LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I DO NOT OWN AGENTS OF MAYHEM OR VAMPIRELLA IN ANYWAY.

_"Is everything set?" said a figure in a high-rise office as he was talking to several people on his screen._

_"Yeah the real one is detained and unharmed while our infiltrator is on her way to the Ark as we speak. Are you sure this is necessary?" one the figures asked the man._

_"LEGION's research into dark matter is fascinating and I must say quite surprised we haven't delved into it. The only copy of Dr. Babylon's research is on that ship and I think it would be of much better use in our hands" he replied._

_"We understand the goal yes. It's just that… of all the people you could have sent on this mission, you sent HER" said a female figure on the screen._

_"What's the matter, you scared of her?" the man in charge joked._

_The figure scoffed as she simply said, "No it's just that there were more qualified people to handle this assignment."_

_"I want to test MAYHEM's agents and she's one of the few that won't be killed so easily" he said before he heard the door to his office open._

_"Sir, your family is ready for you to take them that Japanese steakhouse for dinner" a woman said as she entered the room._

_"Thanks Eish, tell my folks I'll be down there in just a minute" he replied as the secretary nodded and left him alone as he finished the meeting._

_"That'll be all for now let me know when SHE gets the job done, signing off" he said as he turned off the monitor and left the office._

 

Somewhere in southern Asia the Ark was flying above the clouds waiting for the next step by LEGION. All the agents were doing the own thing when their boss Persephone Brimmstone came out of her office and called everyone to the briefing room.

Once everyone was settled, Kingpin was among one of the first to speak.

"So, what's the deal boss one of the ministries has finally surfaced?" he asked the French woman who simply shook her head.

"No kingpin, nothing LEGION related but, it is a serious matter. As you all know MAYHEM gets its funding and resources from ULTOR" she said.

"Yeah, great guys. They always throw the best yacht parties" Hollywood said making the woman glare at him making the actor shut his trap.

"As I was saying, because of that we are the asset of ULTOR and like most assets they need to be checked on now and again. The board is sending someone over to check and see if everything is going smoothly especially after our little adventure in Seoul" Persephone.

"So we have to play nice little agents to a shitty suit" Braddock said having better things to do than this crap.

"Yes if they want to keep paying me to which I pay you agent. She will be here any moment so I want this entire place running like well-oiled machine, is that clear?" Persephone said though it was more a order than a question.

All of the agents understood and with that they were all dismissed to head back to their quarters. However as some of them were walking one of them notices another just standing there.

"Oni is everything alright" Joule said as she notices the yakuza staring at the glass ceiling. Looking at it the Italian sees several crow flapping around it on the outside.

"Well that's just creepy as Fanculo" Joule says.

"It is omen of something dark coming our way" Oni replied as he then continued to his quarters while the model/engineer did the same thing.

 

Later on it was time to greet the inspector as all the agents were on the observation platform waiting to teleport the person in.

"uhh! This blows I could have been doing other shit by now" Daisy said impatiently.

"Like what?" Braddock asked with her eyebrows raised up.

"Like… like… like… shut the fuck up!" the roller derbist retorted.

Soon the pad energy fluctuated and appearing on the pad was a sexy woman with fair skin, green eyes, with black hair neatly done in a hairpin. She wore glasses with a black business suit and matching heels.

"Damn. I should have signed up ULTOR sooner rather than later" Kingpin said earning a slap on the head from Oni.

"Good Evening, inspector…" Persephone said as she greeted the woman.

"Normandy, Ella Normandy; I've heard so much about you and your organization, Miss Brimmstone. The board is quite unpleased about what happened Seoul" the overseer said.

"I assure you that was mostly The ministry of Pride or more specifically Dr. Babylon and his robot. It would have been much worse if my agents hadn't intervened which is exactly what the board cares about, results not the methods" the French woman explained.

"As long as it doesn't cost the company too much money. I assume you've kept his research and his entire Ministry's weapon data secured?" Ella questioned.

"Yes and rest assured it will not leave our hands. Friday will you give our guest a tour of the ship" the director told the agency's mission coordinator.

"Yes ma'am. Right this way Ms. Normandy" Friday said as she led the woman away from the group.

"So anybody gonna mention the T and A on her?" Kingpin said only to be kicked in the head by Rama.

"Ow, shit what did I say?" the gangbanger asked.

 

 

It was night when the agents received an emergency call to meet in the mess hall; soon everyone was outside wondering what was going on.

"I bet its alien invasion" said the agency's tech expert Gremlin.

"Gesù, what are you talking about now?" asked the vehicle expert Quartermile.

"The reason why Persophone called us here. Gotta be an alien invasion" Gremlin said to her fellow cohort.

Fortune noticed her teammate being a little antsy so she decided to see what was going on.

"Alright Hollywood what's got your knickers in a twist" the pirate asked.

"I was scheduled for an appearance on the Jane Valderama show tonight. I was gonna present a new line of Franchise Force Menswear. Now that I mention we do need a couple of ladies to showcase the lingerie section. Fortune, Joules" he said adding a suggestive tone to the last part.

"Jesus Cristo" the pirate said, but the Italian had a different thing to say.

"I come triple my normal rate for underwear gigs" Joule negotiated making Fortune do a major face palm.

"Joules, I can definitely afford it and here's a coupon for 60% at any stores or retailers" he said making Friday look at the coupon.

"60% percent off, I'm keeping this" she said before pocketing the coupon.

Persephone soon entered the area not looking pleased at all.

"All right who called this meeting?!" she demanded only to see the confused faces of her agents looking at her.

"Didn't you summon us to this unusual place" Scheharazade questioned only for the lights to go out.

"Great what is it now?" Rama said as the doors opened to reveal Ella only her look is completely different. She now wears an elegant dress that hugs all the right curves with matching stilettos, and she let her hair down having it reach to the small of her back.

"Welcome I see you've got my alert" she said looking a whole lot more mesmerizing without the glasses and with makeup on.

"You sent it. For what reason?" Yeti asked getting this weird feeling that something wasn't right.

"All in due time, but first… a bite to eat perhaps?" she gesturing to the now open mess hall to see it totally remade into a dining hall with a single banquet table with enough seats for everyone. It was lined with plates of food: bread, cheese, ham, lobster, fruit, salads, chicken, shrimp, oysters, steaks, and an assortment of cakes.

She gestured everyone to sit down to which everyone did though most were feeling uneasy at what was going on.

"A dinner party why didn't you let us know I would've brought Tiramisu" Joule said.

"Never heard of an inspector treating their employees to dinner, don't you guys find this strange?" Mixer the VR specialist said.

"Considering the shit we've been through this is considered normal and hey who can say no to free food? I say fuck it" Daisy said as she went on to have a seat.

"There is a darkness lurking around, waiting to strike" said Scheharazade.

"I agree Ms. Normandy is more than what she seems" Persephone said as Oni nodded in agreement.

"Now please, indulge in this lavish dinner. Let's say we put a bit of sustenance in your body" Ella announced to the agents as they begin eating, some more ravenously than others.

"Good eats" said Red card with his mouth full as he and Hardtack devoured the chicken, ham, and half the wine.

"A dire emergency and you waste time with a feast?" Oni said not taking a single bite to eat.

"I never said there was a crisis" Ella replied.

Rama almost spat her wine at the sentence wondering what game she was playing at.

"Pardon me, but you said there was an emergency and to be at the mess hall right away" said the immunologist.

"I was merely… lonely" the host said with a straight look on her face.

"Oh come on now, a girl with a bangin body like yours? I'm calling bullshit" Kingpin retorted before going back to his shrimp.

Ella got up from her seat and started walking around the table like a predator analyzing her prey.

"Yes lonely. Having a corporate job doesn't leave much of a social life for a girl like me, so I need company. In ways you can't possibly imagine" She then stopped between Yeti and Joule, the latter checking herself out on her phone's mirror app.

However Yeti stopped eating his steaks to notice that he only sees himself and the Italian model in the app and not Ella. Ella quickly notices this and quickly turns off the phone.

"Why do one so perfect and flawless such as you need a mirror?" she complimented the agent.

"Why flattery will get you everywhere" Joule replied.

"Alright I'm sure there's a good reason for all this; not that I want to take the time to figure it out. But I got places to be, and merchandise to sell" Hollywood said as he finished his wine and got up from his seat heading towards the exit.

Suddenly Ella was in front of him in a minute at almost inhuman speeds.

"I'm afraid that is impossible Mr. Stone. When the lights went out it was because of more than a simple fuse" she said.

"No prob we'll take the drop shaft" the actor recommended.

"I'm afraid for some unknown reason the doors are closed shut, and until both are repaired, it looks like we'll be spending the night together" she answered.

Everyone looked really worried as if this was all planned from the beginning.

"Sweet dreams" Ella says hauntingly before exiting the mess hall in a sinister fashion.

"Um, Persephone what do we do?" asked a scared Friday as she cling to Braddock like a koala bear scared out of her mind.

"We act like everything's normal" the woman says.

"It's not?" Gremlin asks her mouth full of cake.

 

Everything is quiet as the agent decided to stick in groups as it was decided that being alone was dangerous. Right now one of the rooms was currently being occupied by Hollywood, Kingpin, and Schehazarade.

"Oh no I get bottom bunk" Hollywood as he was tussling with kingpin over the beds; the ninja of the group was currently somewhere else.

"Why the hell should I?" Kingpin demanded.

"Because I'm more famous than you" the actor said as the brawl continued unaware that they were being watched.

They both fell to the ground when they a monstrous figure emerge and gave a horrifying scream.

**"SSSSCCCHHHHEHHHHHAAAARRRAAAZZZZZAAAADDDDEEEE!"** they both screamed in terror as they ran away with their tails between their legs.

In another room Yeti, Rama, and Joule were having a discussion of sorts.

"I know it was necessary but, I am telling you, we could have handled the situation with Steeltoe and A.I.S.H.A. better" the doctor said.

"They were trying to become a super being and AISHA could have moved on from losing Steeltoe, but went on mad quest for vengeance. We did right thing" the cold warrior told her.

"Still we interrupted wedding and destroy true love… even though it was messed up one" Joule replied, suddenly smoke started coming from the floors and out came a scary figure.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"** the girls screamed which could be heard throughout the Ark.

"Argh! My ears!" Yeti said.

In one of the labs the rest of the agents were discussing what was going on till Fortune had a suggestion.

"Seriously Fortune, Vampires. Just because we take on cyborgs, robots, mad A.I.s and even an evil pop star, but vampires?" Daisy said.

"You know we're talking about the /I want to suck your blood/, right?" Braddock said obviously not believing it either.

Suddenly Oni pulled out his silenced pistol and started scanning the room.

"What is it?" Red card asked.

"She's here" was the assassin's only answer.

"How do you know?" Hardtack questioned the man.

"I can hear HER"

Suddenly something swooped in grabbed Fortune tackling her to the ground; getting a better they saw it was Ella Normandy only this time she was much skimpier outfit.

Red card tried to help, but was pushed back by the woman's monstrous strength; she tried to take at bite at fortune, but she activated Glory just in time to stun the vampire getting her off of the agent. Daisy tried to take several swings at her only to miss and the get thrown aside; Oni came in and swiped his claw at the woman marring her face.

It didn't do squat as she simply healed however and kicked the yakuza to the ground.

"Bring it on Bitch of Dracula" Braddock said as she fired her weapon on the monster which hurt her, but not enough to kill her.

"The name's Vampirella" the woman said as she dashed towards the marine and head butted her to the wall.

Oni recovered and got behind the vampire putting her in a headlock as they struggled around the lab knocking many things aside. It proved fruitless as she simply smashed her back to the wall getting him off her and then throwing him towards Fortune and Daisy, knocking them out of the lab.

"Get ready to be fucked up bitch" Hardtack said with his harpoon ready to spitroast the vampire.

"But I don't want to hurt any of you and neither do you" Vampirella said.

"Oh please. Nothing gets the blood flowing like a good brawl" Red Card pointed out with his gun at the ready.

"I'll have to agree with you on that, but you three don't want to" she said as her eyes started glowing as she put the three under mass hypnosis.

"Perhaps your right" Braddock said sluggishly as she, Hardtack, and Red Card were defenseless. Vampirella bared her fangs and went to the trio; starting to drink their blood one by one.

The other three went back into the lab to see that they were too late

"Hardtack!" Fortune said distraught.

"Red Card!" Oni bellowed.

"Jane!" Daisy yelled.

Lying on the ground were the three bruisers who were unconscious and had bite marks on their necks.

"It's on now bitch!" Daisy yelled ready to rip this vampire a new one, but the monster simply placed an illusion on them.

"You all are strong, but everyone has a weakness" Vampirella's voiced echoed in their minds as they were suddenly in their own nightmares.

Daisy was suddenly in her hometown of Chicago only it was in ruins from a LEGION attack just as her friend Chasity said it was and everybody she knew was lying dead around her.

Fortune was in a cold dark cell with no way out and was all alone. She could hear voices and see a light of what looks like an exit but as she reaches for it, it only gets farther and farther away till it was no more.

Oni was back in Japan where he saw his family running towards him screaming for his help. Not wanting to lose them he ran as fast as he could but it would seem like he was slowing down each step. Soon a shadowy masked figure holding a katana emerged from behind his wife and daughter and raised the blade. Oni tried to reach out but it was useless as the blade was swung and he was treated to the gruesome death of his family.

**"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!"** they all said in terror at what the three were seeing, but knew it was fake and had to resist.

**"GET. OUT. OF. OUR. FUCKING. HEAD!"** Daisy roared as the illusion ended and the three were back on the Ark but Vampirella was gone.

The vampire was trying to regroup when she was attacked by yet another team.

"That is for being a terrible inspector" Rama said as she fired more energy arrows at the bloodsucker. She tried to get away only to now dodging energy beams.

"And that's for scaring half to morte" Joule said as she got out her turret and both started firing, Yeti joined in and fired his weapon slowing the monster down. Soon the two females landed a direct hit knocking her down, while the Russian giant freezes the woman.

The trio celebrated but it was short-lived as the vampire escaped by transforming into a more demonic form and proceeded to beat the three into submission. Seeing the agents not getting up Vampirella returned to her human form and prepared to feast.

"My, my what a meal: a spicy appetizer (rama), a homemade Italian (joule), and to finish it all a cold and creamy dessert (yeti)" she said before she drank all of their blood as well.

 

In another part of the Ark Scheherazade heard everything and warned her team about everything, when Hollywood had a plan.

"You sure this will work HW?" Kingpin asked as he saw the actor dumping a lot of things into the blender.

"Holy water, check. Christian crosses, check. Garlic, check. Trust me King a mixture of all things vampires hate will work, you forget I did do the Reboot of Nyteblade: the movie" Hollywood said as the ninja simply observed.

Vampirella crashed through the door and dashed for the remaining three who dodged out of the way.

"Just work on the vampire juice, I got Count Suckula" Kingpin said as he got out his SMG and started fighting the she-vampire. Hollywood rushed as he fast he can getting the stuff ready while Kingpin did his thing.

It would look like the crime lord would be the victor until the vampire used her charm to get out of the situation.

"I thought Benjamin King would've taught you to treat a lady better" she said innocently catching the agent offguard. This was just the window she needed to use her hypnosis powers on him to make him stop.

"Oh shit" Hollywood said as he poured the mixture into the water gun as fast as he can.

"Much better" Vampirella said as she was about to suck the gangster's blood till Hollywood fired the stuff at her.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** she screamed in horrible pain as she got the ground holding her face.

"ROD STONE, Vampire Killa" he said dramatically while in an epic pose making Scheherazade shake her head.

**ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! AR-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!"** the vampire started laughing showing that it had no effect on her at all as she got up.

"Garlic and crosses" you actually believe that nonsense?" she said before sucking out Kingpin's blood and approach the two agents.

"Hey guys I came as quick as I- WOAH!" Mixer entered only for the ninja to throw the DJ at the Vampire.

"Ohmygod. Did you just throw Mixer at the vampire?" Hollywood asked the mysterious agent.

"His sacrifice will be remembered for the ages" she said in her usual way of talking. However it was useless as Vampirella quickly drank the boy's blood and proceeded towards the two again.

They tried firing their weapons at her to no avail, so the actor used his mayhem and soon explosions were everywhere. When the smoke cleared they couldn't see the vampire and thought they had won. That was until the vampire appeared behind them from above and grabbed them to begin drinking from them.

" **NNNOOOOOO!** It can't end like this; I haven't made my memorial box set yet!" Hollywood dramatically cried as he and Scheherazade were sucked dry.

The last three were exploring the Ark, searching for Vampirella when, they heard a girl scream and saw Gremlin running like it was the running of the bulls.

"Hey Grem what's the matter" Daisy asked to which the tech expert pointed behind her showing that Vampirella got to the base agents and even Persephone herself seeing as how they're all ghouls now.

"Oh, fuck us" Fortune cursed as they started running away until they reached the main area of the ship. Oni shuts the door and locks it from their side and the group relaxes for a bit. Then they noticed the vampire herself on the computers trying to download something from the system.

"So this entire ploy was to get access to our servers so you can retrieve all of the Ministry of Pride's data for Legion" Oni said catching the brunette's attention as she turned to face the agents.

"Please I don't work for Legion; my beloved is someone whose power is greatly dwarfs that of the Morningstar himself" Dark matter is a powerful tool that will be used for the good of the people" Vampirella said.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Dark matter? Used for good? Oh honey I don't know what shit you've been smoking, but it's obvious you need to stop" Daisy said as the others laughed along with her making the vampire very angry.

"Fine! Die then" Vampirella said as she went for the attack. Fortune started firing her laser pistols at the monster but it moved too fast for her to get a single shot. Daisy used her machine gun to bring down the vampire, only it healed too quickly.

"Ha! Is that all you-"was the last thing she said before a bullet went straight through her forehead and she fell to the ground with a thud. All three females looked to see Oni with smoke coming from out his pistol.

"Well that was-" then all of a sudden he was flung up to the air to see Vampirella recovering as her head wound started to heal; but that was the least of his problems as his opponent started beating him to a pulp.

"Ummmm… shouldn't we help him?" Gremlin said.

"Naw you know these asian types they want to do it themselves to preserve their honor or some other crap. The best we can do is stand back and watch him take it like a man" the Chicago roller derbist said explained.

HELP ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! HELP ME!" Oni begged as he was getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter.

"What a hero" Daisy said smirking.

"Daisy! Fortune!" Gremlin yelled.

"Oh alright dammit. Fine!" Daisy said as they went to take on the vampire only to get beaten in the end.

"Okay we need help, por favor" Fortune said as all three agents were on the ground beaten. Vampirella just laughed as she slowly approached them ready for her final meal.

"Save the best for last, as they say" the she-vampire said but, before her fangs could reach their necks a helicopter broke through the glass and crashed into the vampire. Emerging from the aircraft was none other than Johnny Gat himself.

"Johnny!" Gremlin exclaimed, excited that the ex-cop has arrived.

"Hey guys, I was trying to beam up, but the teleporter wasn't responding so I decided to commandeer one of the choppers for police business and high-tail it up here. Saw you three getting your asses laid by super skank so I decided to make an entrance" he said in that cocky manner that he's known for.

"Well it's about time Gat, we were almost about to bite the um grande " Fortune said trying to get up but, was in so much pain that it was hard.

"Well how about-" Gat was then interrupted by punched in the face by the monster as she got back up and threw him to the drop shaft doors. She flew towards him at top speeds only for him to dodge at the last second; having her crash through the doors.

"Okay you're under arrest for being a pain in my ass" Johnny retorted as he pulled out his shotgun and started blasting away at the vampire.

"You're going to have to better than that" she said as she dodged all the shots and rushed at him, grabbing him by the throat and lifting him up.

"I wonder what you taste like" Vampirella teased as her fangs neared the korean's neck.

"Sorry the only woman allowed to suck me off is my girlfriend" he replied before grabbing his knife and stabbing her in the heart.

Vampirella just stood there shock at what had just as let Johnny get and slowly backed away feeling all her strength and power leave her.

Gremlin, seeing where the vampire was going towards she opens the shaft hatch behind her. Johnny approached her and said only one thing.

"I'm gonna need that back" he said grabbing the handle of his knife but, pulls it down making a huge gash with blood gushing out.

Vampirella remained silent as she fell backwards down the shaft plummeting to the earth below.

 

The first thing Persephone saw when she woke up was bright lights as she came to. Slowly sitting herself she saw that she was in the infirmary with all of the other agents.

"Persephone, how are you doing?" Rama asked the woman in a professional manner since she is a doctor.

"I am fine agent now tell me what has happened?" she demanded.

"It would see Ella or Vampirella as she calls herself infected you and the other base agents with some strain of Vampirism. The field agents she simply siphoned off their blood to keep herself nourished; all of this was so that she can get access to the files on Babylon's dark matter research" the immunologist said.

"Don't worry boss, I made sure to stop the transfer when we were sure she was dead" Gremlin said as she was sitting on the counter.

"Ohhhhh I haven't felt this weak and shitty since that frat party I went to when I was in college" Hardtack said as he and the other drained agents were slowly getting their blood back.

"Don't worry tack, just a couple more bags of plasma, along with some food & water, and you'll be good as new" the tech expert said in a dreamy-like state as she gazed at her big crush.

"Good 'cause this little horror show has given me an idea for new costumes for our Halloween party" Hollywood said making Fortune roll her eyes at him.

"You all seem to forgetting something" Oni said getting everyone's attention.

"Never except anyone onto the ark unless we know for sure they won't fuck us" Braddock groaned as she was still woozy.

"No. That Vampirella was not working for LEGION, but rather someone more powerful" the Japanese assassin said.

"I tried tracking the signal of the transfer but it was all cattywumpus as I couldn't find the point of origin" Gremlin told the agents.

Johnny soon entered while eating one of the leftover lobsters the vampire made for the dinner. As he took another bite out of the seasoned gourmet shellfish he saw everyone looking at him with a face that says "seriously".

"What I'm hungry and I must admit the bitch may be batshit crazy, but she sure knows how to cook" the agent said before taking another bite of the lobster.

"Does anyone have any brown mustard on them?" Gat asked.

 

 

We return to the office where the CEO asks for the status report of the mission, and was met with unpleasant news.

"Vampirella hasn't reported back and the transfer was stopped. We must assume she failed and is KIA" said a man with a distinct Russian accent.

"I don't care; she was killed twice and still made it back. Send people to her last known dimension in that dimension and look for the body" the man demanded.

"As for the data there is no need to worry. There are other ways to get what we want and besides" he said before looking out the window.

"I always preferred meeting in person." 


End file.
